Its been 2 years…

I don’t think I’ve posted since 2022

I’ve got so much explaining to do

AND its not gonna be completely in order

Getting right into it
I haven’t had a functioning laptop since April of 23’ and at the time, couldn’t afford much and lost the website as well.

A true tragedy occurred
Basically I set my backpack down with a can of yerba in it and it exploded, but I didn’t realize until I circled back to pick it up, that my laptop and art journal were completely soaked.

I had an absolute mental breakdown, a tantrum in real life,  the whole works. 

Banging it on the floor, crying and yelling.
I get second hand embarrassment just thinking about it.
I apologized deeply to those who witnessed it.

Genuinely was not well mentally from big life changes, and was working my ass off to survive / exist as an individual.
I was a Nanny early morning, Barista in the afternoon and Tattoo Apprentice at night.
It was very taxing to spread myself that thin everyday, I spent some time in self isolation but always made time to see the people important to me.  

What I went through during my first apprenticeship is not to be exaggerated, but one of the worst environments as a creative to be. It felt like they were all competing at being the best and doing the worst thing to someone who did nothing to them in return. All to find out I was the threat, funny how I found out everyone left.

Obviously I went out, partied, blacked out, got tattooed, met some really great people and had great people by my side, but it all fizzled away slowly. Everyone was getting into relationships, going back to school, getting adult jobs or just didn’t stick around. 

My love life also wasn’t going too well, I went through some situation-ships who treated me very odd, I fell for someone and they probably knew it but, I let it go.  

Moved on and took care of myself.

Spent a generous amount of time processing my trauma and strengthening the bonds I’d spent so much time building. 

Really great things came out of it. 

Unfortunately I was very depressed through most of it , and it was a span of 2021 to the of beginning of 2023. I was genuinely good for a lot of the time but, months could go by and the lights were on, but no-one was home type of vibe.

Constant change and life lessons right after the other. Themes I wasn’t paying attention to, the type of conversations being had, or the way I carried myself. The people I was surrounded by and the jobs I had all played a huge part.

Then out of the blue my anxiety amplified and I started self isolating thinking I wasn’t wanted around in general. Living in the mental place of negative self talk and cycles. 

 I deconstructed myself and put myself back together in so many different ways but not for anyone but myself. I wanted to know every part of me and how I processed things including emotions, moods, reactions and approaches.

I hurt my own feelings so much, I think no-one could hurt me more than I do.

Sometimes felt like I had myself under the magnifying glass, teasing the sun beam on my brain. 

Overall I’m very grateful to have lived such a colorful phase of life, full of emotions, beautiful people and memories.

BUT IM SO BACK

I’m 24 now, living in Montana with my partner and our 2 black cats. 

We’ve been together for a year and a half, living together officially for one year and working together for about 6 months now.

We currently live in a historically preserved part of town so most houses have been here since the 1800’s which makes it a victorian esq vibe. Mostly wood interiors, no a/c and no in-units but very spacious of a layout with a working fire place. 

This town is very charming and functions as a whole community so good so, they find solutions for their homelessness within the city, they preserve the history here and the night life is consistent.

We had a roommate for a bit, but his life path changed trajectory within the first 9 months of being here, so they returned home to Florida. The second bedroom is completely set up as a spare to which our new roommate will reside and will be arriving from Texas soon. We very fortunately locked this place in for the next 2 years. 

Originally we were in the market for a house, but have yet to find anything within our budget that didn’t require aggressive renovations. What we’ve seen so far, the houses are cosmetically pleasing but underneath the facade is loads of plumbing, electrical issues and foundation cracks. Moving towards buying a plot of land either here or in Texas at some point, we would like to build from the ground up, likely a container home that is sustainable.  But the option for van life is still very solid for us to travel and be true minimalists. 

The first few months of living here I was engulfed in change.

I felt like I was taking my brain apart and putting it all back together everyday.

For my first time living with a partner, it was very difficult for me to get comfortable.

Not in a “I’m shy” kind of way, more of boundaries being actively set and systems that were already in place individually, but were actively changing on both ends. 

Not in a negative aspect, it’s more of understanding the purpose behind the habits. 

The weather here is erratic, I was semi acclimated because technically Colorado is higher, but the snow here is incredible. Nine months out of the year its winter, spring/ summer is fire season and random heavy rain, but fall is true fall. It’s beautiful, I have now experienced -40 degrees, and my car didn’t start because the gas was low. 

I thank the people who helped me that day 

I’ve learned a lot of things, about myself and my partner. I love love. I couldn’t have asked for any other being. We are constantly in sync, truly the best of friends. We’re not perfect by any means. In the workplace I can say we work very well together, personally if we both weren’t managers it would go smoother, we typically hit heads quite a bit. 

I consider it a necessary part of the learning process.

Mentally and emotionally he has helped me heal parts of myself I’ve always struggled with, parts of me no one chose to pay attention to before. 

I am constantly feeling validated, respected, loved and supported. 

We are partners because everything is equal effort into the growth of who we are.

The good, the bad and the ugly.

It was very important for me the moment it clicked, I was actively looking for parts of myself I hadn’t seen in a while.  He draws them out in the most beautiful ways.

He has pushed me towards my goals and dreams while pursuing his.

I will always be so proud of him.

With this being an official update on my life I can finally say I’m a Tattoo artist with certificates and everything. I’ve worked very hard to get here, and so ecstatic to see where my career takes me, as well as how my art changes over the years. I’m very grateful to my mentor for giving me the opportunity to work with her.

I do have about 10 rolls of film that need developing that range from 3 years ago to the present.

Where I am, it does take bit longer than usual to get developed film, please be patient for the update on that page.

I’m so excited to share this new chapter of my life with you.

I want to personally apologize for my lack of social media presence, I don’t really like people being in my business and now that my career is taking off I have to frequently post as be in the know and build a clientele. This blog is a space I can comfortably share my personal life, I do plan on posting regularly. 

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